hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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