Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
