You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
