Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
