so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
