Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
