so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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