Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
