Moan for me like Helen Keller
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
