3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
