I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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