I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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