I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think your dad took our porno
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
is it fun? or sober?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
