I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
