If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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