You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
