All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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