And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
