guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
