My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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