hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
