I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
