Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize