If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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