Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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