We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just google imaged poop.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
