No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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