i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
