The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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