Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
