is your mom at the bar?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
