Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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