Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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