fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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