I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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