her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize