I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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