That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
