we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
