i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
