i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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