paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
