My friends, they love my intelligence
I CAN MOONWALK!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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