I smell stomach acid.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
