And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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