and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
