Swine flu. Run for my life!
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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