Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
