That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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