he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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