Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
