The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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