You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
