birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
