the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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