Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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