i was born a porn star she said
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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