pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
