I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You may now shotgun with the bride
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
