So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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