girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
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i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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