The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
