You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
