Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
