Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Can you bring me the toilet please
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
