I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
