Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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