Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
