apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
